7 Things to Consider Before Getting Back with Your Ex
Breakups come in many different shapes and sizes, and happen for all kinds of reasons. They can be messy, heartbreaking affairs that leave us bedridden with a tub of ice cream, or joyous relieving occasions that send us out celebrating.
Every now and then a couple will decide to call it quits only to realize that they’ve made a huge mistake. But, what’s next? They broke up for a reason, so why should they give their relationship another shot?
Sometimes two people have to fall apart to realize how much they need to fall back together. If you’re debating whether or not you should give your relationship another try, here are seven things to consider before getting back together.
1. You’ve had time apart.
The first couple days after a breakup are uncomfortable. On top of returning belongings and cutting off ties with your ex, you’re also faced with answering unwanted questions from your friends and family members. During this time and in the weeks to follow, it’s normal to wonder whether or not breaking up was the right move.
If you decide that you’d like to rebuild a relationship with your ex, it’s important that you first give them time and space. Avoid communicating with your ex for about a month before reconnecting with them. Doing this will give them time to miss you and the opportunity to let go of any negative feelings they may have towards you.
If after some time apart you still find your life empty without your ex, then let them know you’re thinking about them. Now that emotions have settled, it’s possible you can work on starting a new relationship together.
2. Change is possible.
Regardless of who broke up with who, there was a reason why your relationship ended. Now is the time to think about those reasons as well as the changes needed to make a new relationship work.
Ask yourself whether or not the necessary changes are possible, and, more importantly, if they’re reasonable. For example, let’s say you broke up because you wanted your ex to spend less time at the bar, and more time with you. Asking them to make this change is a reasonable request. However, if you broke up because your ex was moving away to pursue their career, asking them to move back to your city is unreasonable.
Consider the reasons your love didn’t last, and if it’s only a matter of making some changes, then you may want to pursue a round two.
3. Your loved ones approve.
Your loved ones only want what’s best for you, so if your relationship was unhealthy, they definitely noticed while you were together. If you ask them whether they think you should get back with your ex, they will certainly want to share their opinions.
If they say your relationship is best left in the past, you should consider taking their advice. On the other hand, if they seem enthusiastic and supportive about you trying to revive your relationship, then that’s a good indicator that restarting is a great idea.
4. You want the same things.
As you mature, your interests and priorities change. This means that what was important to you before may not be what you want now.
If you and your ex broke up because you wanted different things, not all hope is lost. After a breakup, it’s easy to see the bigger picture and consider your wants and needs. For instance, the ex-boyfriend who was terrified of marriage may now realize that he does want to settle down with someone, or the ex girlfriend who was focused on her Masters may have tackled that goal and be looking to move onto other things.
If you and your ex broke up because you thought you wanted different things but now you want the same things, then considering a reunion is a good idea.
5. You felt loved.
Often times it’s easy to look back on your relationship and only see the good. By doing this, the reasons you broke up become ignored.
If you’re considering getting back together with your ex, be honest with yourself and look at the entire picture. Were you genuinely happy in your relationship? Did your ex make you feel appreciated and loved? Do you regret breaking up? Do you still love them? If you answered “yes” to those questions, it’s worth another shot.
Before you jump into repairing your relationship, have a conversation with your ex about the problems that caused you to breakup. This type of chat will allow you to address issues upfront, and it can tell you a lot about if another relationship together could work.
6. You’re ready to forgive.
Breakups tend to bring out the worst in us and are usually packed with cruel words, hurt feelings and regret.
If you’re considering getting back together with your ex, it’s crucial that you first forgive each other for the things you said or did in the past. Bottling up past arguments or feelings of resentment will not make for a successful second shot at your relationship. Instead, you both must start with a clean slate.
Forgiving someone you love is tough and it takes time. But, despite how hard it is, if you want to rebuild your relationship and start a new chapter with your ex, you first need to let go of the past.
7. YOU want to reunite.
Do you truly still love him or her and see a future together, or are you just worried about a single income, being lonely, or dating again? Consider whether you’d get back together if everything else in your life was going fabulously. If not, then you probably don’t really want your ex, but just a relationship